It's Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey!

It's time for another installment of Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey, the popular feature in which I thoughtfully respond to a selection of the Google searches that led people to my blog. Sometimes this involves writing haikus about chlamydia, which happens to be my favorite pastime.

If you would like a slightly more descriptive explanation, click here, and if not, read on (google searches in bold italics; my response below).

Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey!

what are the major desserts in somalia
I've heard they love a good tiramisu.

i wear riding boots and breeches and want to get married
As far as I know, people who wear riding boots and breeches find love and get married all the time, so don't lose hope! And never change yourself for a man! Just find one who's into riding boots and breeches too, and you should be fine.

test for real pashmina
Ask the pashmina to spell "pashmina." The fake ones freeze up--they can never do it!

can goodwill store charge high prices?
I wish it wasn't so, but it is.

earwig diagram
Oh my! Sorry you missed it! Here you go:


mary kay scrub gives you aids
Yeah, I heard that too.

"austin powers catchphrases"
So, I have a spot of bad news for you. Hmm... How do I say this... Well, Austin Powers catchphrases aren't quite "in" anymore. Actually, I don't know if anything's ever been more out. Maaaaaayybbee "Somebody stop me!" from The Mask, but, actually, no, even that still has its charms. Would you like to know some more current popular catchphrases instead? Try these:

"Don't tase me, bro!"
"Your mom goes to college."
"Honest to blog!"
"I drink your milkshake."
"Sexy time!"
"I'm fucking Matt Damon."

brought my camera to spice girls concert
Do you really need to rub it in? Jesus.

"kate moss" "short legs"
You are severely mistaken.

does sharon stone have nice eyebrows

I would say so, yeah.

is there life after passion parties?
Life has been pretty dismal after mine, actually.

god please hear my need. what is a good persuasive essay?
Wow have I been there, although my lack of religious education left me ignorant to this whole God-is-in-the-Google thing. But just in case you're wrong, and my 9th grade English teacher is really God, here's her advice.

you so hot global warming is jealous of you
If a man ever says this to me, I will leave my boyfriend for him.

i need cocaine in seattle.
Did this work out for you? Because this is totally how I would go about scoring drugs, too. Seriously, I'd be the worst druggie ever, sheepishly asking Google things like, "So, does one eat meth, or no?" and "Better Business Bureau Portland-area top weed sellers."

penis hanging out of shorts + mother in law
Wow. Talk about awkward. For both parties.

a haiku for balenciaga

Intriguing concept,
But what happens when she sits?
Chocha is show-chaed.

rhyme about fake tan

Jeez, I'm workin' overtime on the poetry here. How's this?

Fake tans can be so lovely--
Just a subtle, golden glow,
But when you overdo it
You look like a crazy ho.